Jeffrey’s parents were at the end of their rope. Teachers at school were reporting that Jeffrey* was acting out in class and was becoming unruly. His favorite aunt was saying that he was a real terror. Jeffrey’s parents had to admit that his outbursts of anger scared them too. When his irritability escalated to rage, the whole family had to attend to him.

Jeffrey’s parents asked that I work with him to figure out what was happening and to help him not be so angry.

In counseling, Jeffrey was able to say that he felt mad a lot and that he got in trouble for it. When I asked him why he got so angry, he stated that everything felt so unfair. We did a few activities related to identifying where in his body he felt angry. He said that he feels it in his head and in his fists. We talked about when feeling angry he tends to ball up his fists and he gets a headache. When we started to think of things that might help him calm down before he gets too angry, we agreed that drinking water might help and to open and close his hands and to do something productive with them (he liked to play the drums).

I had him write down 5 things that he felt were unfair. We taped that to the wall and I gave him squishy balls and gave him permission to yell and scream out the things that felt unfair as he threw the balls that made a beautiful splatting sound. This was a safe activity and a safe place to release the pent up anger that he was feeling.

We did this for a few more sessions all the while talking about things to do when angry. After a few weeks, he didn’t feel the need to throw the balls any longer. His parents reported that they were surprised that he no longer was having the tantrums he once did. He was getting along better with his siblings and the whole family was enjoying his company. They also said that when Jeffrey states that he’s frustrated, they now incorporate listening tools that they had learned and reflect back to him his feelings. Jeffrey is now more likely to open up to them and articulate what is happening rather than acting out.

*This story is a composite of clients. Real names are not used to protect confidentiality.